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When Trauma Doesn’t Look the Way People Expect

Why High-Functioning Survivors Still Deserve Support


A lot of trauma survivors have misconceptions about how trauma should manifest itself visually. A common misconception is that trauma survivors should have noticeable signs of distress, such as panic attacks and constant tears, or that they will be unable to carry out day-to-day activities.


If a trauma survivor continues to go to work, take care of others, meet their obligations, or appear “fine,” they may begin to second-guess themselves.


Examples of second-guessing can be:

  • “Was I just exaggerating?”

  • “Do I really deserve help?”

  • “Is this a normal reaction, or am I overreacting?”


If you relate to any of these thoughts, you are not alone, and there is no reason to feel guilty about wanting and needing help.

When You Kept Going and Were Still Impacted

When you continued to work hard and still dealt with trauma, you likely had to employ some degree of adaptive behaviour to cope. Many survivors cope with their trauma through a combination of emotional suppression, occupation, or “functioning” on an ongoing basis, especially when their safety, stability, and/or security depend on their ability to maintain composed behaviour (CAMH, 2019).


For Black and other racialized women, the community pressures (cultural expectations) associated with systemic racism often lead to less understanding or support when naming the experience of violence, and/or entitlement to access or receive the support of those around them (CAMH, 2019) ✦🌿


Trauma can manifest itself in a variety of ways. Trauma may subtly show itself through emotional intolerance, detachment from one's body, inability to relax, feeling or feeling numb or irritable, or rationalizing what happened to avoid dealing with the uncomfortable feelings associated with the experience. CAMH explains that responses to trauma vary widely; however, many people continue functioning while carrying emotional and physical consequences for the rest of their lives (CAMH, n.d.).


Being able to “function” does not mean you were not affected by it. When you “function” after an experience of assault or trauma, it is often an indication of the extent to which you have utilized coping mechanisms to stay alive 🤍✧

"Perhaps It Wasn't Bad Enough," a Thought Common in Survivors

Survivors often wait to request assistance, as they may feel their own situation does not qualify them for help.


Survivors may compare themselves to other people.


Survivors may believe that trauma only counts if it causes total disruption to a survivor's life and feel guilty about coping with trauma "too successfully."


Trauma doesn't depend solely on how much you visibly hurt; rather, trauma is about how you feel regarding your sense of safety, trust, and connection to others. Canadian trauma-informed practices indicate that all trauma reactions are acceptable (ie, those that are reactionary and silent) (CAMH, 2019).


If something inside of you changes, it is essential for you! 🕊️

You Don’t Have to Relive Everything to Deserve Support

You do not have to relive all of your trauma to receive help 🤍. In trauma-informed care, you are the master of your information ✧. You decide how much and when you want to offer information to others. You also choose the speed at which you wish to advance in therapy.


During therapy, you will have the opportunity to explore how you responded to trauma in a safe, caring environment. In a trauma-informed environment, you can learn how to regain your connection to your body (and boundaries)🧘🏾‍♀️, how to release feelings of shame 🤍, and how to begin to feel safe in your life without feeling pressure, deadlines, or expectations to feel broken.


You can seek assistance at any time, regardless of how well you are functioning. It's not uncommon and is entirely normal to reach out for assistance many years after an assault (CAMH, 2019; Government of Ontario, 2020).


For you to benefit from assistance, you need not convince someone that you are in pain🌱.

A Gentle Invitation

If this reflection resonates, you’re welcome to book a free 10-minute consultation. Support at info@nadajohnsonservices.com is available when you’re ready, and you don’t have to navigate this alone.


With warmth,



Nada Johnson, MSW, RSW

Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist / trained Family Mediator / EMDR Trained Therapist / Certified Racial Trauma Clinician / Mental Health & Sexual Violence Consultant / Professional Speaker


Non-Discrimination Policy: Nada provides support to people regardless of race, colour or creed


Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services – Online phone and video sessions available

Village Healing Centre: 240 Roncesvalles Avenue




Please share this post to support another racialized or Black woman in the corporate field who may be navigating these pressures alone. 🤝

References

Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. (2019). Women, abuse and trauma therapy: An information guide.https://www.camh.ca/-/media/health-info-files/guides-and-publications/women-and-abuse-en.pdf

Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. (n.d.).Trauma.https://www.camh.ca/en/health-info/mental-illness-and-addiction-index/trauma

Government of Ontario. (2020). Connect with supports for survivors of violence.https://www.ontario.ca/page/connect-supports-survivors-violence

Ontario Coalition of Rape Crisis Centres. (n.d.).Sexual assault support in Ontario.https://sexualassaultsupport.ca/

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