Caring Too Much: The Emotional Cost of Being the “Family Therapist"

How Caribbean women are silently carrying the emotional burdens of their families and how it’s impacting their mental health.

Always On Call, Even Without a Degree

She’s the one everyone calls when there's conflict. When someone’s struggling, she shows up. When silence falls over the family, she’s the one to fix it. Sound familiar?

Many Caribbean women have become the unofficial "family therapist" offering emotional support, mediation, guidance, and care, often without anyone asking how they're doing. This isn't just compassion; it’s emotional labor the invisible, unpaid work of managing feelings, diffusing tension, and holding others up (Hochschild, 2012). And when it's constant and one-sided, it comes at a cost.

This Role Didn’t Start With You

This dynamic is intergenerational. Historically, Caribbean women were taught to be self-sacrificing caretakers roles that emerged out of slavery, indentureship, and colonial patriarchal structures that placed emotional survival on the shoulders of women (James, 2021). The expectation to hold everything together continues to follow Caribbean women in the diaspora today.

The Emotional Toll

When you’re the emotional anchor in a family, burnout becomes inevitable. Studies show that Black and Caribbean women who carry this emotional responsibility report higher rates of anxiety, depression, and somatic symptoms like fatigue and chronic pain (Bryant-Davis et al., 2010). One study found that Caribbean immigrant women in Canada often suppress their emotional needs due to cultural expectations of strength and resilience (Edge & Newbold, 2013).

Left untreated, this kind of chronic emotional labor can lead to compassion fatigue, emotional numbness, and deep resentment (Figley, 2002). And yet, many women still feel guilty for setting boundaries or saying “no.” 

What I Addresses in My Practice

At NJCCS, I created a space where Caribbean women can speak freely without being the fixer, the strong one, or the peacekeeper. I help clients:

• Unpack family roles and where they come from

• Reconnect with their own emotional needs

• Learn how to set boundaries without guilt

• Explore how trauma may be shaping their caregiving tendencies

• Reclaim softness, vulnerability, and self-prioritization

5 Things NJCCS Offers to Support Caribbean Women

1. Culturally sensitive therapy that reflects your lived experience

2. Trauma-informed care rooted in compassion, not judgment

3. Workshops and tools for boundary setting and emotional regulation

4. Support groups for shared healing and sisterhood

5. Flexible formats (virtual/in-person) to meet your needs

You Deserve To Be Held, Too.

You are more than your ability to care for others.

You deserve care, too.

If you’ve spent your whole life putting yourself last, maybe it’s time to rewrite that story with help, with healing, and without guilt.

NJCCS is here to walk beside you.

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🌍Website: www.nadajohnsonservices.com

📩 Contact: info@nadajohnsonservices.com

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References

Bryant-Davis, T., Ellis, M. U., & Gobin, R. L. (2010). The cultural context of trauma recovery: Considering the healing practices of African Americans. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 2(2), 117–123. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0019369Edge,

S., & Newbold, B. (2013). Discrimination and the health of immigrants and refugees: Exploring Canada's evidence base and directions for future research in newcomer receiving countries. Journal of Immigrant and Minority Health, 15(1), 141–148. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10903-012-9640-4Figley,

C. R. (2002). Compassion fatigue: Psychotherapists' chronic lack of self care. Psychosocial Stress Series, No. 23. Brunner-Routledge.Hochschild,

A. R. (2012). The managed heart: Commercialization of human feeling. University of California Press.

James, M. (2021). The burden of care: Caribbean women and the politics of labor in diaspora. Routledge.