Carrying the Family on Our Backs: The Mental Health Toll of Being the Eldest Daughter in Caribbean Families

When Responsibility Begins Before Adulthood

In some Caribbean households, the eldest daughter is more than just a child, she is the second mother, the problem-solver, the emotional caretaker, and the one expected to “hold everything together.” This role, although often honored and admired, can come at a steep cost to her mental health.

What may look like maturity or selflessness is often the result of parentification; when children are placed in adult roles prematurely (Hooper, 2007). Studies show that this dynamic is common in immigrant and diasporic families, particularly within collectivist cultures like those found in the Caribbean (Jurkovic et al., 2001; Burman & Chantler, 2005). It is a silent burden that can lead to anxiety, depression, chronic stress, and a deeply rooted sense of inadequacy.

Strength, But At What Cost?

Across Caribbean cultures whether Afro-Caribbean, Indo-Caribbean, Chinese-Caribbean, or mixed heritage yo,ung women are often raised with the unspoken expectation to be emotionally strong, self-sacrificing, and unshakable. This “strength script” teaches them to bottle up emotions, perform perfection, and place everyone else’s needs above their own.

While these values may stem from generations of resilience forged through colonial trauma, migration, and survival, they can also reinforce emotional suppression and internalized shame (Arthur et al., 2015; Phillips & James, 2012). As researchers note, many Caribbean women struggle with guilt or failure when they acknowledge their emotional needs because they’ve been taught that strength means silence (Brown et al., 2016).

This expectation transcends ethnic lines within the Caribbean diaspora. Eldest daughters from all cultural backgrounds, Trinidadian, Jamaican, Guyanese, Haitian, Bajan, and more, share stories of feeling they could never break down, even when they were falling apart inside (Watson & Hunter, 2016; Donovan & West, 2015).

Why the Pressure Exists: 4 Historical Roots of the Eldest Daughter Burden

The unrelenting pressure placed on eldest daughters in Caribbean families isn’t random it’s deeply historical, woven into the region’s legacies of survival, migration, and structural inequality. Here are four key historical reasons why these expectations persist:

1. Colonial Family Structures Reinforced Gendered Roles👰🏾‍♀️🤵🏽‍♂️

   During colonial rule in the Caribbean, patriarchal systems were imposed that entrenched gender hierarchies, assigning women the role of caregivers and moral gatekeepers of the home (Mohammed, 1998). Eldest daughters were often expected to mimic their mothers’ roles early on, becoming extensions of this colonial domestic ideal.

   
   

2. Post-Slavery and Indentureship Labor Demands⛵️

   After emancipation and during the indentureship era, families had to reorganize themselves to survive economic hardship. Eldest daughters in African and Indo-Caribbean households were often pulled into caregiving and domestic work while still children, due to a lack of external support (Reddock, 1994; Shepherd, 1999).

   
   

3. Migration and the “Left-Behind” Child Phenomenon🌍

   During waves of Caribbean migration to Canada, the U.S., and the U.K. (particularly from the 1950s onward), parents often left their children behind temporarily to establish economic footing abroad. Eldest daughters frequently became stand in mothers to younger siblings during this time, a dynamic that continues today (Pottinger, 2005).

   
   

4. Survival Through Respectability Politics⚖️

   Caribbean women have long been taught that “being good” means being proper, obedient, and self-sacrificing standards rooted in Victorian-era colonial respectability politics (Bailey, 2003). Eldest daughters are often seen as representations of the family’s values, held to the highest standard to preserve social image and legacy.

These historical pressures are not only inherited, they're internalized. And unless interrupted, they continue to pass silently from one generation to the next.

Migration, Motherhood, and the Middle Ground

For those raised in Caribbean immigrant households in Canada, the pressure often intensifies. Eldest daughters navigate two worlds: the expectations at home and the systemic inequalities in broader society. They are frequently relied on to translate documents, make appointments, help raise siblings, and “succeed” academically all while carrying the emotional labor of the family (Hunte & Godley, 2021).

This constant state of responsibility is exhausting and often invisible. One study described this as the “double burden” of racialized women: performing under high expectations while receiving little recognition or rest (Williams, 2019). Many eldest daughters suffer from burnout before they even reach adulthood (McKenzie, 2020).

Breaking the Silence Without Breaking Yourself

In many Caribbean households, mental health is still whispered about if acknowledged at all. Eldest daughters often feel ashamed for wanting space, therapy, or even simply rest. But these are not signs of weakness; they are acts of healing.

Studies emphasize the importance of validation, culturally competent mental health support, and the need to reframe care as a two-way street (Arthur et al., 2015). Practices like journaling, therapy, intergenerational conversations, and community-based storytelling are powerful tools for eldest daughters reclaiming their voice and identity.

What NJCCS Addresses in Therapy

At Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services (NJCCS), therapy is rooted in compassion, cultural awareness, and trauma-informed care. Nada’s practice specifically supports Caribbean women by addressing:

• Intergenerational trauma – exploring how family patterns and inherited beliefs affect present-day mental health.

• Parentification and emotional burnout – especially among eldest daughters and women raised to be caretakers.

• Identity struggles – helping women reclaim who they are outside of their roles.

• Stigma around therapy and help-seeking – breaking the silence and shame attached to mental health.

• The pressures of being the “strong one” – reframing strength to include softness, vulnerability, and asking for help.

Through this lens, therapy is not about fixing what’s broken, it's about healing what was never nurtured.

5 Ways NJCCS Supports Eldest Daughters in Therapy

1. Culturally Rooted Conversations

   Therapy sessions at NJCCS recognize the unique realities of Caribbean culture, including family roles, discipline styles, and generational silence. Eldest daughters don’t need to over-explain they are understood from the start.

   
   

2. Unpacking Survival Mode

   Many eldest daughters operate in constant survival mode. NJCCS uses CBT and trauma-informed approaches to help them identify internalized expectations and replace them with healthier beliefs.

   
   

3. Boundaries Without Guilt

   Women are guided in setting emotional and physical boundaries without shame. This includes learning how to say “no” without fear of rejection or disrespect.

   
   

4. Inner Child Work

   NJCCS creates space for eldest daughters to reconnect with the parts of themselves that were forced to grow up too soon, allowing joy, curiosity, and self-compassion to re-emerge.

   
   

5. Building Self-Worth Outside of Roles

   Therapy focuses on helping women rediscover who they are beyond “helper,” “fixer,” or “example.” Worth is no longer tied to productivity it becomes rooted in simply being.

Healing With Nada: A Message from NJCCS

At NJCCS,  Nada sees the eldest daughters who were never allowed to just be girls.

Nada sees the invisible weight you’ve carried, the one called “ungrateful” but shaped by her sacrifice.

Nada hears the silence you’ve been forced to keep.

And Nada believes it’s time to speak.

Our trauma-informed and culturally sensitive support services are here to help Caribbean women, eldest daughters included unpack intergenerational patterns, process emotional exhaustion, and reconnect with your worth. You don’t need to keep proving yourself through pain.

If you’re ready to explore who you are beyond the roles assigned to you, NJCCS is here to walk beside you gently, compassionately, and without judgment.

🌺 You’ve carried enough. Let us carry some of it with you.🌺

🌍Website: www.nadajohnsonservices.com

📩 Contact: info@nadajohnsonservices.com

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📚 References

Arthur, C. M., Katkin, E. S., & Mahabir, R. (2015). The health and well-being of Caribbean immigrant women in the United States: Challenges and opportunities. Journal of Immigrant and Minority Health, 17(4), 1173–1180. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10903-014-0067-6

Bailey, B. (2003). Gender and education in Jamaica: What about the boys? UNESCO.

Brown, C., Phillips, C., Abdullah, T., & Vinson, G. (2016). Emotional suppression and resilience in Black women: Exploring the “Strong Black Woman” schema. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 40(2), 216–228. https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684315616111

Burman, E., & Chantler, K. (2005). Domestic violence and minoritisation: Legal and policy barriers facing minoritised women leaving violent relationships. International Journal of Law and Psychiatry, 28(1), 59–74. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijlp.2004.12.004

Donovan, R. A., & West, L. M. (2015). Stress and mental health: Moderating role of the strong Black woman stereotype. Journal of Black Psychology, 41(4), 384–396. https://doi.org/10.1177/0095798414543014

Hooper, L. M. (2007). The application of attachment theory and family systems theory to the phenomena of parentification. The Family Journal, 15(3), 217–223. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480707301290

Hunte, H. E., & Godley, J. (2021). Examining the mental health impact of racial discrimination on Black Canadian youth. Canadian Journal of Public Health, 112(2), 204–211. https://doi.org/10.17269/s41997-021-00475-0

Jurkovic, G. J., Thirkield, A., & Morrell, R. (2001). Parentification of adult children of divorce: A multidimensional analysis. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 30(2), 245–257. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1010380511731

McKenzie, K. (2020). Mental health and academic stress among racialized youth in Canada. Canadian Diversity, 17(2), 45–50.

Mohammed, P. (1998). Towards indigenous feminist theorizing in the Caribbean. Feminist Review, 59, 6–33. https://doi.org/10.1057/fr.1998.30

Phillips, T., & James, M. (2012). Mothering across generations in Caribbean diasporas: Intersections of gender, migration and race. Women's Studies International Forum, 35(3), 185–193. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.wsif.2012.03.003

Pottinger, A. M. (2005). Children's experience of loss by parental migration in inner-city Jamaica. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 75(4), 485–496. https://doi.org/10.1037/0002-9432.75.4.485

Reddock, R. (1994). Women, labour and politics in Trinidad and Tobago: A history. Zed Books.

Shepherd, V. (1999). Women in Caribbean history. UNESCO Publishing.

Watson, N. N., & Hunter, C. D. (2016). Anxiety and depression among African American women: The costs of strength and negative attitudes toward psychological help-seeking. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology, 22(4), 469–479. https://doi.org/10.1037/cdp0000072

Williams, A. M. (2019). “We carry it all”: The double burden of racialized women in Canadian mental health. Journal of Critical Race Inquiry, 6(1), 72–87.