Strong But Tired: Redefining Strength for Racialized Women
- Nada Johnson
- Dec 4
- 4 min read
When Strength Becomes an Expectation
For many women of color, “being strong” is more than a personality trait, it has been a necessary response to cultural expectations, discrimination, and navigating systems that were not designed with them in mind.
Research on Black women in particular shows that social and cultural narratives often encourage emotional self-reliance, resilience, and composure, even in the face of adversity (Lewis et al., 2013).While these qualities can be empowering, they can also create pressure to remain strong even when tired, overwhelmed, or in need of support.
The result: strength becomes something performed, not always something felt.
The Hidden Weight Behind the “Strong Woman” Narrative
Studies show that Black women often experience gendered racial microaggressions (subtle, repetitive insults or invalidations based on both race and gender) which contribute to chronic stress and emotional fatigue (Lewis et al., 2013).
Other research highlights the added strain of navigating environments where racial bias or underrepresentation is present (Hall et al., 2015). These experiences can require emotional vigilance and constant self-monitoring, both of which demand significant mental energy.
These pressures may include:
💙 Feeling expected to be reliable and composed at all times
💙 Managing emotional labor at work and at home
💙 Navigating microaggressions or racial bias
💙 Balancing community, cultural, or family expectations
💙 Feeling pressure to prove competence or avoid stereotypes
These patterns are not signs of weakness, they are responses to systemic and interpersonal realities that create emotional load.
How “Being Strong” Shows Up - And Why It’s Exhausting
Research has shown that ongoing exposure to racial discrimination and microaggressions can contribute to:
➡️ Emotional exhaustion
➡️ Difficulty resting or relaxing
➡️ Hypervigilance in professional or social environments
➡️ Increased stress-related physical symptoms
➡️ Feeling undervalued or unseen
(These outcomes are documented in studies examining racial stress and gendered racism among Black women.)
While each woman’s experience is unique, many describe a similar pattern: staying resilient for everyone else while finding little space to express their own needs.
The Emotional Toll of Being “The Strong One”
In therapy, women often describe:
🌿 “People depend on me, so I keep going even when I’m drained.”
🌿 “I don’t want others to see me struggle.”
🌿 “I feel pressure to hold everything together.”
These reflections align with research on the “Strong Black Woman Schema,” which identifies themes of emotional restraint, caregiving, and high self-reliance, factors that can contribute to psychological stress when left unaddressed.
Strength is not the problem. Carrying it alone is.
What Healing Can Look Like
When strength has been shaped by cultural expectations, systemic inequities, and lived
experiences of discrimination, healing must be intentional and compassionate.
In therapy, we work toward:
🌿 Making space for vulnerability and emotional expression
🌿 Processing experiences of racialized or identity-based stress
🌿 Reducing self-imposed pressure to “hold everything together”
🌿 Creating boundaries that honor your limits
🌿 Allowing rest without guilt
Therapy becomes a place where you can set down the armor, even briefly, and reconnect with your full self, not just your strong self.
NJCCS Is Here for You
At NJCCS, I support women navigating burnout, racialized stress, identity pressure, and the emotional weight of being “the strong one.”
Together, we focus on:
🌿 Understanding how cultural and systemic factors shape emotional resilience
🌿 Exploring identity stress and internalized expectations
🌿 Processing racialized experiences within a safe, culturally aware space
🌿 Rebuilding confidence beyond performance or caregiving roles
🌿 Restoring balance through rest, boundaries, and support
Strength does not mean carrying everything without help.
True strength includes allowing yourself to be supported.
If you are tired, not because you are weak, but because you have carried so much, you deserve care.
With warmth,
Nada Johnson, MSW, RSW
Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist / trained Family Mediator / EMDR Trained Therapist / Certified Racial Trauma Clinician / Mental Health & Sexual Violence Consultant / Professional Speaker
🌍 Website: www.nadajohnsonservices.com
📩 Contact: info@nadajohnsonservices.com
Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services – Online phone and video sessions available
Village Healing Centre: 240 Roncesvalles Avenue
Please share this post to support another woman who may be quietly carrying too much. 🤝
References
Hall, W. J., Chapman, M. V., Lee, K. M., Merino, Y. M., Thomas, T. W., Payne, B. K., Eng, E., Day, S. H., & Coyne-Beasley, T. (2015). Implicit racial/ethnic bias among health care professionals and its influence on health care outcomes: A systematic review. American Journal of Public Health, 105(12), e60–e76.
Lewis, J. A., Mendenhall, R., Harwood, S. A., & Browne Huntt, M. (2013). Coping with gendered racial microaggressions among Black women: A qualitative study. Journal of African American Studies, 17(1), 51–73.
Want More Support for Your Professional & Personal Growth?
🔷Try Potential Unlocked™🔷
In addition to counselling, NJCCS offers coaching through our sister brand, Potential Unlocked™, designed specifically for professional women navigating career, leadership, and life transitions.
We support clients with:
Communication and conflict strategy in the workplace
Career development and leadership coaching
Navigating workplace dynamics and burnout recovery
Building confidence in both personal and professional relationships (Online dating empowerment coaching, because personal growth impacts professional life too!)
👉 Visit www.potentialunlocked.ca to learn more or book a free 10-minute consultation call.
➤ Explore Board Mediation Experts™
In collaboration with NJCCS, Board Mediation Experts™ assists condominium boards, non-profits, and community organizations in navigating complex interpersonal and governance challenges — with clarity, structure, and compassion.
We specialize in:
🏢 Condominium Mediation – Resolve disputes and restore productive dialogue
🤝 Governance Strategy – Strengthen collaboration and effective decision-making
🧠 Workshops & Training – Build communication, leadership, and conflict resolution skills
🧭 Executive Coaching – Equip board leaders to manage tension, burnout, and accountability
Whether you’re addressing interpersonal dynamics, compliance obligations, or leadership culture, Board Mediation Experts™ transforms conflict into an opportunity for growth and stronger governance.
“Conflict isn’t a failure — it’s a turning point. What matters is how you move through it.”
👉 Visit www.boardmediationexperts.com to learn more or book a free 30-minute consultation by emailing us at info@boardmediationexperts.com
Comments