What Is Healthy Self-Esteem? And Why Does It Feel So Hard to Hold Onto?

You’ve read the quotes. You’ve said the affirmations. But deep down, self-esteem still feels like a moving target, just out of reach.

You have good days where you feel empowered… and then one small comment or mistake knocks you off balance.

So why does self-worth feel so fragile, even when you’re trying so hard to build it?

At Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services (NJCCS), Nada works with women who are tired of tying their self-esteem to productivity, relationships, or perfection. She offers a compassionate space to explore what shaped your self-image, and how to rebuild it in a way that actually lasts.

Why Is Self-Esteem So Hard to Hold Onto?

✔ Old Wounds Still Whisper

Maybe you were told as a child to “stop being dramatic,” or only praised when you achieved something. These subtle (or not so subtle) messages taught you that your worth was conditional.

✔ Perfection Pressure

You’ve learned to mask your insecurities by trying to “get it right.” But when mistakes happen—as they always do—your inner critic takes the wheel.

✔ Social Media Spiral

Seeing other people’s curated success can quietly trigger feelings of “not good enough,” even if you know it’s just a highlight reel.

✔ Burnout Disguised as Drive

When your value is measured by how much you do, rest feels like laziness. You hustle to prove yourself, but end up emotionally depleted.

✔ Fear of Rejection or Failure

Low self-esteem can keep you stuck, avoiding new opportunities, playing small in relationships, or over-explaining yourself just to feel seen.

➡ According to the Canadian Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, self-esteem instability is one of the strongest predictors of anxiety and relationship dissatisfaction in women aged 25–40 (Cheng et al., 2021).

What Healthy Self-Esteem Actually Looks Like

(Even if You’re Still a Work in Progress)

🧠 You know your needs and express them, even if it’s uncomfortable

💬 You don’t define yourself by your mistakes

🤍 You treat yourself with compassion when you're struggling

🛑 You set boundaries without guilt

💡 You stop over-apologizing for just existing

Having healthy self-esteem doesn’t mean you never doubt yourself, it means you can recover your sense of self without collapsing into shame.

5 Ways Therapy Can Help You Reclaim Your Worth

✅ 1. Unlearn the Lies You Were Taught

Therapy can help you identify the early messages that shaped your identity—and begin rewriting your story.

✅ 2. Name (and Challenge) the Inner Critic

You’ll learn how to separate your true self from that internal voice that constantly judges, questions, or minimizes you.

✅ 3. Practice Boundaries Without Self-Betrayal

Saying “no” is a form of self-respect, not selfishness. Therapy helps you honour what you feel and need.

✅ 4. Reconnect With Your Core Strengths

You are more than your performance. You are resilient, creative, thoughtful, and worthy—therapy helps you see and feel that.

✅ 5. Learn to Rest Without Earning It

True healing means recognizing that your worth isn’t based on output. Therapy helps you rest without shame and show up with presence.

➡ A 2022 study in Psychotherapy Research found that self-compassion-based approaches significantly improved self-esteem and reduced emotional exhaustion in women across diverse cultural backgrounds (Nguyen & Bailey, 2022).

You Were Never Meant to Hustle for Your Worth

At NJCCS, we believe your self-worth is not something you have to earn. It’s something you remember and return to.

You are already enough! Even when you're tired, even when you're healing, even when you're unsure.

🌿 If you’re ready to stop chasing worth and start reclaiming it, therapy can help. 🌿

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🌍Website: www.nadajohnsonservices.com

📩 Contact: info@nadajohnsonservices.com

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Sources

Nguyen, T., & Bailey, S. (2022). Culturally sensitive self-compassion therapy for women: A randomized controlled trial. Psychotherapy Research, 32(2), 201–214. https://doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2021.1932340

Cheng, Y., Lee, H., & Samuels, K. (2021). Self-esteem instability and mental health outcomes in Canadian women aged 25–40. Canadian Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, 55(3), 221–235. https://doi.org/10.1002/cjcp.3456