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When Love Turns Into Control: The Hidden Wounds of Coercive Control

When the Violence Isn’t Physical — Yet


This November, as Canada observes Women’s Abuse Awareness Month and the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, we continue to shed light on a quieter, but equally devastating, form of abuse: coercive control.


Coercive control rarely makes headlines. It unfolds behind closed doors, disguised as “care,” “concern,” or “protection.” Over time, it isolates, confuses, and diminishes a woman’s sense of safety and self, often long before any physical violence occurs.

What Is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is a pattern of dominating behaviours that seek to strip another person of

autonomy. It may include:


  • Monitoring phones, messages, or social media

  • Restricting friendships, finances, or movement

  • Criticizing or gaslighting until self-doubt becomes constant

  • Using children, immigration status, or money to maintain power


Research shows that nearly every case of intimate-partner femicide in Canada is preceded by coercive control (Office of the Federal Ombudsperson for Victims of Crime, 2023). The control may begin subtly, but eventually dictates where she goes, what she wears, and who she becomes.

The Psychological Toll

While bruises heal, the invisible wounds of coercive control can linger for years.


Survivors often experience:

🌿 Chronic anxiety and hypervigilance (the nervous system stuck in survival mode)

🌿 Depression and low self-esteem (internalizing blame and shame)

🌿 Difficulty trusting others (relationships feel unsafe or unpredictable)

🌿 Complex trauma (C-PTSD) (marked by emotional dysregulation and guilt)


According to Women and Gender Equality Canada (2024), 44% of women have experienced some form of intimate-partner psychological violence in their lifetime. In Ontario, coercive control was cited in more than half of domestic-violence cases reported to police (Statistics Canada, 2023).

These numbers remind us: violence does not begin with physicality, it begins with control.

The Children Who Witness Control

Children who grow up in controlling or violent households learn early that love is conditional. Even if they are not directly abused, they absorb the tension, fear, and silence.


Studies show that children exposed to coercive control are at greater risk for:

  • Emotional dysregulation and anxiety disorders

  • Challenges forming secure attachments

  • Repeating patterns of control or submission in future relationships (Amato, 2010)


Healing these intergenerational wounds requires compassionate intervention, consistency, and trauma-informed family therapy, the kind of work we are deeply committed to at NJCCS.

How NJCCS Supports Survivors and Systems

At Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services, I help women and families rebuild safety from the inside out.


Through therapy, education, and advocacy, I offer:

✅ Trauma-informed counselling and EMDR therapy for survivors of coercive control and violence

✅ Safety-planning and crisis navigation for women leaving high-risk situations

✅ Family and sibling counselling to restore trust and communication

✅ Research and consulting services for institutions seeking evidence-based change, including:


  • Literature reviews and reports

  • Community needs assessments

  • Survivor-informed interviews and focus groups

  • Data analysis and program development

  • Policy recommendations and presentations


Ending gender-based violence requires not only compassion, but research, coordination, and systemic accountability.

Moving From Silence to Strength

Awareness is only the first step. We must keep talking about coercive control, in workplaces, classrooms, and homes, until it is recognized and prevented as readily as physical assault.


If you recognize patterns of control in your relationship or in someone you care about, reach out. Help is available, and healing is possible.


With warmth,



Nada Johnson, MSW, RSW

Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist / trained Family Mediator / EMDR Trained Therapist / Certified Racial Trauma Clinician / Mental Health & Sexual Violence Consultant / Professional Speaker



Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services – Online phone and video sessions available

Village Healing Centre: 240 Roncesvalles Avenue




Please share this post to raise awareness that femicide is not an isolated act, it’s a preventable tragedy we must confront together. 💙

References

Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on divorce: Continuing trends and new developments. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(3), 650–666. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00723.xOffice of the Federal Ombudsperson for Victims of Crime. (2023, March 1). Understanding coercive control in the context of intimate partner violence. https://www.canada.ca/en/office-federal-ombudsperson-victims-crime/publications/research-recherche/ucc-ccc.htmlWomen and Gender Equality Canada. (2024, March 8). Facts and stats – Gender-based violence. https://www.canada.ca/en/women-gender-equality/gender-based-violence/facts-stats.htmlStatistics Canada. (2023, November 21). Trends in police-reported family and intimate partner violence in Canada, 2022. https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/daily-quotidien/231121/dq231121b-eng.htm

Want More Support for Your Professional & Personal Growth?

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