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It’s Not Her Fault: Diddy, Cassie, and the Lies Women Are Told About Abuse

Unpacking victim-blaming, trauma, and why Black and Caribbean women deserve safety, support, and healing.



What the Diddy and Cassie Case Reveals About Abuse Culture


When news broke that Sean “Diddy” Combs had physically assaulted Cassie Ventura, his former partner of over a decade, many people were shocked. But for many women, especially Black and Caribbean women, the video didn’t come as a surprise. It was confirmation.


Confirmation that what survivors have been saying for years is true: abuse doesn’t always look like bruises. It can wear designer clothes. It can hold power. It can smile on red carpets (Joseph, 2019).


The footage, now publicly available, shows a violent assault that took place in a hotel hallway in 2016. Cassie was shoved, dragged, and kicked while attempting to leave. At the time, she stayed silent. And like so many survivors, she stayed in the relationship for years after (Joseph, 2019).


Why Did She Stay? Why Didn’t She Fight Back?


These are the wrong questions.

The real question is: Why did he feel entitled to hurt her?


Society often teaches women that your job is to manage men's emotions. That if a man is angry, it's because you “pushed his buttons,” “disrespected him,” or “should’ve known better” (Joseph, 2019; Canadian Women’s Foundation, 2023). That you are responsible for his outbursts, and if you get hurt, it’s because you made him do it.

This lie is the foundation of abuse culture.


Cassie’s silence wasn’t weakness, it was strategy. Survival. Like many women, she likely feared being shamed, discredited, or further harmed. And she would’ve been right (Joseph, 2019).

For Black and Caribbean Women, the Stakes Are Even Higher


In communities, conversations around domestic violence are often silenced by shame, religion, or respectability politics. Some of us are told:


  • “Keep family business in the family.”

  • “He provides for you what more do you want?”

  • “Pray harder. Be more submissive. Don’t provoke him.”

  • “You’re a strong Black woman. You can handle it” (Joseph, 2019; Williams et al., 2021).


But strength should not mean silence. And culture should never be a cage.


According to the Canadian Women’s Foundation (2023), Black women are more likely to experience intimate partner violence, but less likely to report it due to fear of criminalizing Black men, distrust in systems, or stigma in their communities. Caribbean women, especially immigrants, often fear losing stability, custody of children, or community ties (Lashley, 2000).


🧠 The Mental Health Cost of Domestic Violence🧠


Surviving domestic violence isn’t just about physical scars. It’s about psychological trauma that lingers long after the bruises fade.


Women who experience intimate partner violence are at higher risk for:


  • PTSD and panic attacks

  • Depression and suicidal ideation

  • Body-based trauma (sleep issues, appetite changes, chronic illness)

  • Disconnection from self and others

  • Hypervigilance and anxiety in everyday situations (Williams et al., 2021)


When the abuse is prolonged, as it was in Cassie’s case, survivors often lose their sense of safety, agency, and identity. They may begin to blame themselves, justify the abuse, or feel undeserving of peace and love (Joseph, 2019).

If This Feels Familiar, Please Know You Are Not Alone


💔 Maybe you’ve been told, “It’s your fault, look how you talk to him.”

💔 Maybe you’ve been pushed, slapped, or threatened, but told it wasn’t “real” abuse.

💔 Maybe you’ve stayed silent to protect him or to protect your reputation, your kids, or your family.


Whatever your story looks like, your pain is real. And you do not have to carry it alone.


5 Ways Therapy with Nada Supports Women Healing from Domestic Abuse


1. Naming What Happened Without Shame

You don’t have to minimize, justify, or downplay. In therapy, you are supported in telling the truth of your experience at your own pace.


🌿 Therapy with Nada offers a space to finally be heard and to heal .🌿


2. Rebuilding Safety In Your Body and Your Life

Abuse disrupts your nervous system. Therapy uses trauma-informed tools to help you feel grounded again, restoring a sense of calm and control (Williams et al., 2021).


3. Challenging the Lies You Were Taught About Love

Love is not supposed to hurt. You’ll begin to unlearn the belief that abuse equals passion, or that “taking it” proves loyalty (Joseph, 2019).


4. Supporting Cultural Identity While Honoring Your Healing

As a Caribbean woman, your healing path may be layered with family, culture, and community dynamics. Therapy with Nada honors your heritage while helping you break generational patterns (Lashley, 2000).


5. Strengthening Your Voice and Boundaries

Therapy helps you reclaim your voice not just to speak out, but to speak to yourself with care, boundaries, and truth (Williams et al., 2021).


🌺 How NJCCS Helps Black and Caribbean Women Reclaim Power After Abuse


At Nada Johnson Consulting and Counselling Services (NJCCS), Nada recognizes that healing from abuse takes more than courage, it takes community, culturally safe support, and a space free from judgment.


Nada doesn't ask, “Why didn’t you leave?”

She asks, “How can I support your healing now?”

Whether you’re still in the relationship, freshly out, or years removed. Your  healing matters.


🌸 You are allowed to feel safe. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to be free. 🌸

If You Recognize Yourself in Cassie’s Story, Reach Out


You don’t need to wait for it to “get worse” to seek help.

You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

You deserve healing.

You deserve peace.

You deserve to be free from fear.





Click here to join our newsletter and follow our platforms for empowering content, trauma recovery tools, and mental health support. Please share this post to help break the silence around trauma and promote healing in our communities. 🤝



📚 References

Canadian Women’s Foundation. (2023). The facts about gender-based violence. https://canadianwomen.org/the-facts/gender-based-violence/


Hoffman, K. M., Trawalter, S., Axt, J. R., & Oliver, M. N. (2016). Racial bias in pain assessment and treatment recommendations, and false beliefs about biological differences between Blacks and whites. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 113(16), 4296–4301. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1516047113


Joseph, J. (2019). Black women’s experiences of intimate partner violence in Canada: Understanding anti-Black racism and intersectionality in safety planning, social support and service provision. Canadian Woman Studies, 33(1–2), 137–143.


M. (2000). The unrecognized social stressors of migration and reunification in Caribbean families. Transcultural Psychiatry, 37(3), 345–359. https://doi.org/10.1177/136346150003700304


Williams, D. R., Lawrence, J. A., & Davis, B. A. (2021). Racism and health: Evidence and needed research. Annual Review of Public Health, 43, 105–125. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-publhealth-040119-094017


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