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Red Flags: Early Clues a Relationship May Be Unhealthy


Sometimes, unhealthy patterns in a relationship are hard to spot. They may start quietly, blended with care, attention, or what feels like love. This can make things feel confusing, especially early on, when everything is new and exciting.


You might notice that something doesn’t feel quite right, but not be sure why. These moments are important to pay attention to. That’s why having gentle, open conversations about early signs—sometimes called red flags—can help us feel more informed, supported, and safe.


At Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services, Nada understands how hard it can be to recognize abuse, especially when it doesn’t look like what we’ve been taught. She believes that learning to spot those early signs can help keep us safer. Whether you’re currently in a relationship, beginning a new one, or supporting someone you care about, knowing what to watch for can really make a difference.



So, what do those red flags actually look like? Let’s gently explore some of the signs that might show up at the beginning of a relationship and recognize things that don’t always seem harmful at first, but could be cause for concern.

Early Signs to Pay Attention To

  • In the beginning of a relationship, it’s natural to want to focus on the good. But sometimes, there are little signs that something doesn’t feel quite right.

  • These early red flags can be easy to miss especially when they’re mixed with affection or excitement.

  • If something feels uncomfortable, confusing, or leaves you questioning yourself, it’s okay to pause and take a closer look.



Here are some early signs according to the Canadian Labour Congress that a relationship may not be as healthy as it seems:


➡ Jealousy or Control

  • They might ask a lot of questions about where you are, who you’re with, or get upset when you spend time with others.

  • They may say they’re just being “protective” or that it’s because they care so much. But love shouldn’t come with pressure, guilt, or isolation.

  • A healthy relationship makes space for your other relationships, not tries to replace them.


➡ Put-Downs Disguised as Jokes

  • Maybe they make little comments that sting, or say things that make you feel small, unsure, or embarrassed

  • Over time, these moments can chip away at your confidence and sense of self. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not tears you down.


➡ Blaming Others for Everything

  • If they never take responsibility for their actions and always find a way to blame someone else—including you—that’s a red flag.

  • You might hear things like, “You made me do this,” or “It’s your fault I got so angry.” Healthy relationships involve accountability, not blame. ✨


➡ Taking Over Your Choices

  • They might start telling you what to wear, how to spend your money, or who you should talk to.

  • It may be subtle at first, like giving “advice” or saying they know what’s best. But over time, it can turn into control.

  • You have a right to make your own decisions about your body, your time, your money, and your life.


➡ Ignoring or Crossing Boundaries

  • Maybe they pressure you to do things you’re not ready for, or push past your “no” when you try to set a boundary. It can leave you feeling disrespected or unsure if your limits matter. But they do matter.

  • Your comfort and consent are always important.


If any of these signs feel familiar, know that you’re not alone and it’s not your fault. Relationships should feel safe, supportive, and respectful. If you’re unsure or feeling overwhelmed, reaching out to someone you trust or connecting with a support service can be a helpful next step.


🌿At NJCCS, we’re here to support you with care, compassion, and without judgment wherever you’re at in your journey.🌿



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Sources

Canadian Labour Congress. (n.d.). Warning signs. https://canadianlabour.ca/domestic-violence-work/warning-signs/

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