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When High Achievement Turns Into Self-Blame

Black History Month often honours excellence, resilience, and perseverance. These narratives reflect brilliance, leadership, and survival in the face of systemic barriers.


They can also quietly shape how many Black women learn to relate to themselves.


For many high-achieving Black women, success does not bring ease.


It brings pressure.

✨ When Accomplishment Never Feels Like Enough

Many of the women I support at NJCCS are accomplished, capable, and deeply responsible. They have worked hard to build careers, families, and stability. They are often described as strong, driven, and dependable.


And yet, internally, many feel they are falling short.


They may notice:

✔️ difficulty feeling satisfied with achievements

✔️ a constant sense of needing to do more

✔️ fear of making mistakes or disappointing others

✔️ harsh self-criticism despite positive feedback

✔️ guilt when resting or slowing down


This pattern is not about ambition alone.

It is often shaped by long-term stress and survival.

✨ Perfectionism as Protection

Perfectionism is often misunderstood as a personality trait. In reality, it is frequently a response to prolonged pressure, high expectations, and the need to stay safe.



For many Black women, perfectionism develops as a form of protection.


It protects against scrutiny.

It protects against being misunderstood.

It protects against being seen as inadequate.


Over time, this protection becomes exhausting.


Nothing ever feels good enough.

Mistakes feel dangerous.

Self-compassion feels unfamiliar.

✨ Internalized Failure and Quiet Self-Blame

One of the most painful experiences many high-achieving Black women describe is feeling like the problem, even when circumstances are unfair, demanding, or unsustainable.


Women often tell themselves:


• "I should be able to handle this"

• "I am not trying hard enough"

• "Other people manage, so why can’t I"

• "If I were stronger, this would not affect me"


This internalized self-blame can quietly erode confidence and self-trust, even as external success continues.


Achievement does not protect against this.

Sometimes, it intensifies it.

✨ How This Shows Up in the Body and Relationships

When perfectionism and self-blame take hold, the impact is not only emotional.



Many women begin to experience:

🪞 chronic tension and fatigue

🪞 burnout cycles that repeat

🪞 sleep disruption and physical strain

🪞 difficulty receiving help or support

🪞 over-functioning in relationships

🪞 emotional shutdown or numbness



The nervous system remains on high alert, constantly scanning for what needs fixing next.


Rest can feel unsafe.

Letting go can feel irresponsible.

✨ Cultural Conditioning and the “Strong Woman” Expectation


Cultural messages often reinforce the belief that strength means endurance, silence, and self-sacrifice. For many Black women, asking for help can feel like failure rather than care.


Success can mask distress, making it harder to recognize when support is needed.


From the outside, everything appears fine.


Inside, the cost keeps growing.

✨ Reframing Healing as Strategic

Healing does not require you to stop being capable.


It invites you to stop being harsh with yourself.


At NJCCS, therapy offers a culturally responsive and trauma-informed space where Black women and women of colour can explore perfectionism, self-blame, and identity strain without judgment or pressure to minimize.


In therapy, women often begin to:

🌿 understand why perfectionism developed

🌿 release internalized self-blame

🌿 rebuild self-trust and self-compassion

🌿 experience achievement without constant pressure

🌿 feel worthy of care without earning it


Support does not diminish strength.

It helps sustain it.

✨ A Black History Month Reflection

As we honour Black history, it is important to honour Black women not only for what they accomplish, but for who they are beyond performance.


If this resonates, you are not alone.


I offer a warm, thoughtful, and steady therapeutic space grounded in cultural understanding, trauma-informed care, and respect for lived experience.


You are welcome to book a free 10-minute consultation to explore whether this support feels like the right fit.


You do not have to measure your worth by how much you endure 💙


With warmth,



Nada Johnson, MSW, RSW

Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist / trained Family Mediator / EMDR Trained Therapist / Certified Racial Trauma Clinician / Mental Health & Sexual Violence Consultant / Professional Speaker


Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services – Online phone and video sessions available

Village Healing Centre: 240 Roncesvalles Avenue



Please share this post to support another black woman who may be carrying too much alone. 🤝


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