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Why You Might Still Feel Connected to Someone Who Hurt You: Understanding Trauma Bonds

If you've been in a relationship where someone hurt you emotionally, physically, or in other ways, you might find yourself still feeling connected to them, even after the relationship ends or after something harmful happens. That feeling can be confusing, even upsetting.


This is something many people experience. It's called a trauma bonding, and it's more common than you might think.


At Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services, Nada recognizes how complex these experiences can be. We offer a safe, non-judgmental space where you can talk openly, make sense of your feelings, and begin to heal at your own pace. You don’t have to navigate this alone.


✧˖This blog post will gently walk through what trauma bonds are, why they happen, and why letting go can be so difficult. If you see yourself in these words, we hope they help you feel seen and remind you that support is available, whenever you’re ready✧˖


What Is a Trauma Bond?

A trauma bond is a strong emotional attachment that forms between a person and someone who abuses or mistreats them (Quinn, 2024).


This kind of bond often happens when someone hurts you, but then is kind afterward. They might say sorry, promise to change, or do something nice. These ups and downs can be really confusing and make your emotions feel all over the place.


This mix of hurtful actions and kind words can make you believe that things might get better or that the person isn’t all bad (Resnick, 2024).


You might find yourself thinking about the good moments, especially the times when things felt calm or loving. It’s completely normal to want to go back to those moments especially if the relationship started off feeling safe, kind, or supportive.

Signs of a Trauma Bond


Not all cases of abuse can be classified as a trauma bond but there are some common signs that might show this kind of emotional attachment is happening. These signs can include:


  • Making excuses for the person who is being hurtful

  • Hiding or covering up what they’ve done

  • Feeling like you need to help them “fix” their problems

  • Thinking it’s your fault they hurt you, or lying to others about it

  • Telling yourself “it wasn’t that bad”

  • Quickly forgiving them after they show affection

  • Staying in the relationship even though you’re being hurt

  • Pulling away from friends or family to avoid arguments or judgment (Porrey, 2024)


What Healing Can Look Like

There’s no single way to heal, but here are a few gentle steps that may help:


  • Talking to someone you trust

  • Learning more about the patterns of abuse and emotional bonding

  • Practicing Self Care

  • Reminding yourself that you’re allowed to want peace and safety


Support from a counsellor, a support group, or a helpline can also be really helpful. You don’t have to figure everything out on your own.

You Deserve Support


If you’re feeling confused, stuck, or unsure, that’s completely understandable. Many people feel this way after experiencing harm in a close relationship. Be kind to yourself. You're doing the best you can with what you’ve been through. And you’re not alone.


Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services is here to support you with understanding, compassion, and tools to help you heal in a safe, non-judgmental space.


🌿 You Deserve Support. You Deserve to Feel Safe. 🌿



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Sources

Porrey, M. (2024, February 27). Trauma bond: Recognizing the signs and how to break it. Verywell Health. https://www.verywellhealth.com/trauma-bonding-5210779

Quinn, D. (2024, September 3). Trauma bonding: Definition, stages, & recovery. Sandstone Care. https://www.sandstonecare.com/blog/trauma-bonding/

Resnick, A. (2024, February 27). Trauma bonding: Definition, signs, and ways to cope. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/trauma-bonding-5207136


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