Boundaries 101: What Healthy Relationships Actually Look Like
- Nada Johnson
- Jul 4
- 5 min read
Sometimes, it’s hard to know what healthy love should feel like — especially if you’ve been in relationships where respect, safety, and trust weren’t really shown to you.
If you have grown up seeing unhealthy patterns or have been hurt in the past, it’s easy to accept things that don’t feel right, simply because they feel familiar (Robinson, Segal, & Jaffe, 2025). That’s why learning about boundaries is so important. Boundaries help us protect our well-being, trust ourselves, and notice when something doesn’t feel right.
At Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services (NJCCS), I understand how confusing it can feel to figure out what’s “normal” or “healthy” in a relationship — especially after trauma. I believe that everyone deserves to know what genuine respect looks like. Whether you’re in a relationship now, starting fresh, or healing from past experiences, understanding boundaries can help you feel safer and more confident in your relationships.
So, what does healthy love look like — and how can you tell if someone truly respects you? This post gently breaks it down, step by step.
What Exactly Are Boundaries?
Boundaries are the lines we draw to protect our well-being. They’re about deciding and expressing whether:
» “This is okay with me.”
or,
» “This is not okay with me.”
Healthy boundaries can protect your body, time, space, feelings, and heart. They help you feel safe and respected — instead of drained, scared, or controlled.
Healthy love honours your boundaries. Coercive or abusive love ignores them.
Signs of a Healthy Relationship
Here are some simple signs, guided by Cleveland Clinic (2023), to help you notice when your boundaries are being respected:
💚Your “No” is Respected
A caring partner won’t push you into things you’re not ready for.
Example: You say you’re not comfortable with something intimate. Instead of guilt-tripping you, they listen and respect your pace.
💚You Feel Free to be Yourself
A respectful partner doesn’t try to isolate you from family or friends; they give you space for
your own friends, family, and interests.
Example: They’re glad you have people who love you, too. They encourage you to spend time with them instead of making you choose.
💚Privacy is Respected
Trust means you don’t have to sacrifice your privacy to prove your loyalty.
Example: They don’t demand your passwords or read through your messages without permission “just to prove you’re loyal.” Trust is given, not forced.
💚Accountability, Not Blame
In a healthy relationship, both people can make mistakes, but they
take responsibility and use it to grow.
Example: If they say something hurtful, they apologize sincerely and try to do better, not just repeat the same behaviour.
💚You Feel Seen & Heard
A safe relationship feels like two people working together, not one person in control.
Example: You feel comfortable talking openly, even about hard things, without being shut down, mocked, or blamed and know your voice matters.
Signs a Boundary is Being Crossed
It’s not always clear when someone crosses a line, especially if that person tries to write it off as love or care.
Sometimes it helps to ask: what does unhealthy love look like?
Many of these signs are inspired by information shared from the National Domestic Violence Hotline (n.d.) to help people understand where their relationship stands.
🚩 They keep pushing after you say “no.”
🚩 They tell you who you can or can’t talk to.
🚩 They pressure you into things you don’t want to do — sex, money, even “small” favours.
🚩 They blame you for their actions — “You made me do this.”
🚩 They check your phone, messages, or social media without asking.
🚩 They make you feel guilty for spending time with other people.
If you recognize any of these signs, know that you’re not to blame. You have the right to feel safe and to have your boundaries respected.
How to Start Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries can feel scary or unfamiliar, especially if you’ve been used to putting others first. But boundaries are a form of self-care and self-respect (Nash, 2018).
Here are a few ways to start practicing healthy boundaries in small, gentle steps:
✨Check in with yourself
Before saying yes, pause and ask, “Do I really want this? Does this feel okay for me?” Understanding how you feel helps you make choices that acknowledge your comfort and energy.
✨Use clear and kind words
Simply communicate your needs calmly. You don’t have to over-explain or apologize for having limits. A short, honest "I’m not comfortable with that” or “I need some time for myself” is enough.
✨Notice their reaction
Pay attention to how someone responds when you set a boundary. Do they respect it or push back and try to change your mind? Someone who cares for you will accept your limits without guilt or pressure.
✨Be consistent
Healthy boundaries need practice. It’s okay to remind people of your limits if they forget or test them. Being clear and consistent shows others, and yourself, that your needs
matter.
Healthy love won’t punish you for having boundaries. It respects them — and you.
You Deserve Respect
If you’ve been hurt before, it can feel like you’re asking for too much by wanting respect, honesty, and care. But you’re not. You deserve love that feels safe, gentle, and free of fear — and protecting that with healthy boundaries is perfectly okay.
Through trauma-informed, non-judgmental counselling at NJCCS, I help women learn what healthy love looks like, practice saying no without guilt, and build the confidence to trust their own voice again.
✨ Whenever you’re ready, support is here — and you never have to figure it all out alone.✨
Warm regards,
Nada Johnson, MSW, RSW
Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist / trained Family Mediator / EMDR Trained Therapist / Certified Racial Trauma Clinician / Mental Health & Sexual Violence Consultant / Professional Speaker
🌍Website: www.nadajohnsonservices.com
📩 Contact: info@nadajohnsonservices.com
Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services - Online phone and video sessions available
Village Healing Centre: 240 Roncesvalles Avenue
C: 437-887-6146
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References
Robinson, L., Segal, J., & Jaffe, J. (2025). Attachment and adult relationships. HelpGuide. Retrieved from https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/attachment-and-adult-relationships
National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Healthy relationships. Retrieved from https://www.thehotline.org/resources/healthy-relationships/
Cleveland Clinic. (2023, May 31). 8 signs you’re in a healthy relationship. Retrieved from https://health.clevelandclinic.org/signs-of-a-healthy-relationship
Nash, J. (2018, October 8). How to set healthy boundaries: 10 examples + PDF worksheets. PositivePsychology.com. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/
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