When Saying Yes Didn’t Feel Like a Choice
- Nada Johnson
- Jul 13
- 4 min read
Hi, I’m Nada, a Trauma-Informed Therapist who supports women healing from abuse and the emotional harm that often goes unseen.
Some experiences are hard to explain.
Hard to name.
Hard to even think about without that knot forming in your stomach.
Maybe it happened with someone you trusted.
Maybe you said “yes,” but it didn’t really feel like a choice.
Maybe you walked away feeling uncomfortable, hurt, or unsure, even though there were no raised voices or physical force.
This is something many women go through, often silently. It’s called coercive sex, and if this speaks to you, you’re not alone. And you’re not being dramatic. Your feelings are real.
🧠 What Is Sexual Coercion?
Sexual coercion includes any subtle or overt pressure, manipulation, trickery, or threats used to get someone to have sex even without force or assault (Office on Women’s Health [OWH], n.d.; The Hotline, n.d.).
Crystal Raypole (2020) describes guilt, emotional blackmail, or an obligation to say yes when your heart didn’t want to.
DomesticShelters.org further outlines eight common tactics used in relationships, such as:
Exploitation: e.g., pushing alcohol to lower resistance or falsely professing love (Fontes, 2021).
Bullying: insulting you (“prude,” “uptight”) until you give in.
Inducement through entitlement: saying as a spouse or partner, you owe sex.
Emotional manipulation: threats, sulking, silent treatment to wear you down.
Using jealousy or suspicion: “If you don’t do it, maybe you’re cheating.”
Appealing to duty or shame: “You don’t want me to feel bad, do you?”
Withholding affection or approval: using intimacy as a reward withheld until you comply.
Threats or pressure to end the relationship: if you don’t comply (Fontes, 2021).
These may not be loud or forceful, but they are intentional strategies to compromise your autonomy and sense of safety.
🤍 Why It’s Hard to Talk About
You might think:
“It wasn’t violent.”
“I didn’t explicitly say ‘no.’”
“We were in a relationship.”
“Maybe I overreacted.”
Real consent must be willing and voluntary.
Being in a relationship or having said yes before doesn't guarantee consent every time (The Hotline, n.d.)
Fontes (2021) confirms that these tactics actively take away your sense of choice. Your reaction matters because your choice always matters.
🩵 The Emotional Weight It Leaves Behind
Even without physical force, coercion can leave deep emotional wounds. You may feel:
Anxiety, disconnection, or avoidance around intimacy
Intense guilt or belief that you “led them on”
Confusion over whether what happened “counts”
Difficulty trusting your own feelings or desires
These responses are normal. Even manipulation without violence is still a form of abuse, and it can deeply affect your mental health, self-esteem, and sense of self (Fontes,2021).
🌱 You Deserve Healing
At Nada Johnson Consulting and Counselling Services, I honour each woman’s story especially the parts that are quiet, complicated, or long overdue for naming. You don’t need to label yourself to deserve care.
Here’s how I can support you:
Name your experience, using your own words, in a safe, shame-free space
Rebuild emotional and bodily boundaries, gently and on your timeline
Reclaim autonomy, relearning what safe intimacy feels like
Receive honest compassion, reminding you that your pain is real and valid
Your story is yours. Your healing is valid. Your voice matters.
💬 A Gentle Reminder
If you ever said yes when your heart said no, that matters.
If something felt off, confusing, or painful, that matters.
Even without force, coercion leaves real wounds.
And you deserve to heal.
You are allowed to speak your truth.
You are allowed to seek support. You are allowed to heal on your terms, in your own time.
You are not alone. And it is never too late to start.
📧 Contact me at info@nadajohnsonservices.com if this blog spoke to you.
Warm Regards,
Nada Johnson, MSW, RSW
Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist / trained Family Mediator / EMDR Trained Therapist / Certified Racial Trauma Clinician / Mental Health & Sexual Violence Consultant / Professional Speaker
🌍Website: www.nadajohnsonservices.com
📩 Contact: info@nadajohnsonservices.com
Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services - Online phone and video sessions available
Village Healing Centre: 240 Roncesvalles Avenue
C: 437-887-6146
Click here to join our newsletter and follow our platforms for empowering content, trauma recovery tools, and mental health support. Please share this post to help break the silence around trauma and promote healing in our communities. 🤝
📚 References
Fontes, L. A. (2021, September 27). Sexual coercion in intimate relationships: Eight tactics. DomesticShelters.org.domesticshelters.org+1domesticshelters.org+1pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov+1en.wikipedia.org+1en.wikipedia.org
Office on Women's Health. (n.d.). Sexual coercion. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Retrieved July 2025, from https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/sexual-coercion
Raypole, C. (2020, December 1). What is sexual coercion? Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/sexual-coercion
The Hotline. (n.d.). A closer look at sexual coercion. The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Retrieved July 2025, from https://www.thehotline.org/resources/a-closer-look-at-sexual-coercion/
Want More Support for Your Professional & Personal Growth?
🔷Try Potential Unlocked™
In addition to counseling, NJCCS offers coaching through our sister brand, Potential Unlocked™, designed specifically for professional women navigating career, leadership, and life transitions.
We support clients with:
Communication and conflict strategy in the workplace
Career development and leadership coaching
Navigating workplace dynamics and burnout recovery
Building confidence in both personal and professional relationships (Online dating empowerment coaching, because personal growth impacts professional life too!)
👉 Visit www.potentialunlocked.ca to learn more or book a free 10-minute consultation call.
Comments