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Daughters Carry the Weight: Caribbean Gender Expectations and the Mental Health Cost

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🧺 “You’re the Girl - You Should Know Better”


In many Caribbean households, daughters are raised with pressure, discipline, and expectation, while sons are often given freedom, excuses, and indulgence. Girls are told to cook, clean, obey, suppress, and serve—while boys are allowed to roam, make mistakes, and be comforted.


This unequal treatment is not random. It’s rooted in patriarchal and colonial family systems where girls were trained to be obedient wives and caregivers, and boys were raised to dominate or escape accountability (Barrow, 1998; Reddock, 2004). As a result, Caribbean daughters often grow up too fast, while sons are emotionally underdeveloped.

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🧠 Emotional Labor and Psychological Burden


Research shows that Caribbean girls experience:


  • Higher rates of parentification

  • Greater household responsibilities

  • Harsher punishments

  • Fewer emotional outlets(Mohammed, 2002; Crawford-Brown & Rattray, 2015)


These dynamics overload girls with emotional labor expected to take care of younger siblings, regulate family tensions, and suppress their own needs. Over time, this leads to:


  • Anxiety

  • People-pleasing

  • Depression

  • Chronic guilt (Jewell & Brown, 2013; Reynolds, 2018)


Meanwhile, many sons are allowed to escape household responsibility, make harmful choices, or behave immaturely with little accountability, a dynamic that fractures sibling relationships and fosters resentment.

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😓 “I Was the Third Parent, Not Just the Daughter”


Many Caribbean women recall being held to adult standards as children. They were scolded for not being “ladylike,” expected to clean while brothers relaxed, and often became the emotional sponge for their mother’s or father’s pain.


This over-responsibility leads to complex trauma. Research on gendered caregiving roles shows that when girls are overburdened and emotionally neglected, they internalize the belief that their value lies in what they do for others, not who they are (Hooper et al., 2011).

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💚 What Nada Johnson Helps With:


At NJCCS, I work with clients to untangle these painful gender dynamics, especially for Caribbean women still carrying the emotional weight of their upbringing. I help with:


  1. Deconstructing Gendered Childhood Narratives→ Validating clients’ childhoods and exploring how “good daughter” scripts caused harm.

  2. Inner Child Healing for Parentified Women→ Helping clients meet the emotional needs that were dismissed in childhood.

  3. Grief Support for Unequal Family Roles→ Creating space to mourn what was never given and to name feelings of injustice or resentment.

  4. Boundary Setting in Family Systems→ Guiding women to say no, delegate, and prioritize themselves, without guilt.

  5. Sibling Relationship Processing→ Supporting women in healing or redefining relationships with brothers based on truth and choice, not obligation.

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🌿 How This Supports Emotional Freedom:


  • Rebuilds Personal Identity→ Clients move from duty to desire, discovering who they are without their caregiving role (Reynolds, 2018).

  • Reduces Chronic Guilt→ Therapy challenges the belief that worth = self-sacrifice, easing internalized shame (Brown, 2006).

  • Improves Mental Health and Boundaries→ Clients learn how to say no without losing connection, and yes to themselves without fear (Greene, 2006).

  • Heals Family Resentment Without Conflict→ Naming family dynamics allows for peaceful detachment, grief, or reconnection with clarity (Bray & Stanton, 2013).

  • Models New Ways of Parenting or Living→ Women raise daughters and treat themselves with gentleness, not generational pressure (Walker-Barnes, 2014).

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🕊️ You Were Never Just the Helper


You were a child when you were given adult responsibilities.

You were a girl when they demanded perfection.

And now, you deserve to lay the burden down.


At NJCCS, therapy is a space where you don’t have to prove anything, fix everything, or carry everyone. You get to be held. You get to be whole.


📞 Ready to Heal the Daughter Within?


Whether you're processing old pain or setting new boundaries, I am here to help you come back home to yourself.


With compassion, cultural understanding, and care.


Visit nadajohnsonservices.com or reach out @njccservices on Instagram to get started.



Warmly,


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Nada Johnson, MSW, RSW

Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist / trained Family Mediator / EMDR Trained Therapist / Certified Racial Trauma Clinician / Mental Health & Sexual Violence Consultant / Professional Speaker



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Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services - Online phone and video sessions available

Village Healing Centre: 240 Roncesvalles Avenue

C: 437-887-6146


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🧾 References

Barrow, C. (1998). Caribbean gender ideologies and family formation. Oxford University Press.

Bray, J. H., & Stanton, M. (2013). The Wiley-Blackwell handbook of family psychology. Wiley-Blackwell.

Brown, B. (2006). Shame resilience theory: A grounded theory study on women and shame. Families in Society, 87(1), 43–52.

Crawford-Brown, C., & Rattray, J. (2015). Children in the Shadows: A Casebook on Child Sexual Abuse in Jamaica. UWI Press.

Greene, B. (2006). African American women: Issues in psychotherapy treatment and research. Feminism & Psychology, 16(2), 245–251.

Hooper, L. M., Doehler, K., Wall, C. A., & Hannah, N. J. (2011). The parentification inventory: Development, validation, and cross-validation. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 39(3), 226–241.

Jewell, J. D., & Brown, M. (2013). Gender role expectations in Jamaican families. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 44(2), 167–186.

Mohammed, P. (2002). Gendered realities: Essays in Caribbean feminist thought. University of the West Indies Press.

Reddock, R. (2004). Interrogating Caribbean masculinities: Theoretical and empirical analyses. UWI Press.

Reynolds, T. (2018). Caribbean mothers and their daughters: Negotiating intergenerational relationships. Sociology, 52(2), 317–332.

Walker-Barnes, C. (2014). Too heavy a yoke: Black women and the burden of strength. Wipf and Stock Publishers.



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Want More Support for Your Professional & Personal Growth?

🔷Try Potential Unlocked™


In addition to counseling, NJCCS offers coaching through our sister brand, Potential Unlocked™, designed specifically for professional women navigating career, leadership, and life transitions.


We support clients with:

  • Communication and conflict strategy in the workplace

  • Career development and leadership coaching

  • Navigating workplace dynamics and burnout recovery

  • Building confidence in both personal and professional relationships (Online dating empowerment coaching, because personal growth impacts professional life too!)


👉 Visit www.potentialunlocked.ca to learn more or book a free 10-minute consultation call.



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