Learning to Listen Without Fixing: A New Way for Mothers and Daughters to Connect
- Nada Johnson
- Sep 9
- 3 min read
When Helping Turns Into Fixing
For many mothers, it feels natural to step in with advice, solutions, or reminders whenever their daughters share struggles. After all, mothers want to protect their children from pain. But sometimes, the very instinct to "fix" can create distance instead of closeness.
For daughters, being met with quick solutions may feel like their feelings are being dismissed or minimized. What they often long for is not a solution, but a safe space where their emotions can be heard, honoured, and validated.
The Power of Listening Without Fixing
Listening without fixing is not about withholding care—it’s about shifting from problem-solving to presence. Research on parent-child communication shows that feeling understood has a greater impact on mental health than being given advice (Miller et al., 2018).
When mothers learn to listen with openness and empathy, they create opportunities for:
💙 Emotional validation – Daughters feel their feelings are real and important.
💙 Trust building – Conversations become safe spaces for vulnerability.
💙 Stronger bonds – Connection grows when mothers move from “telling” to “understanding.”
💙 Empowered daughters – Girls build confidence in their own problem-solving skills when not rushed toward a solution.
Common Moments of Disconnection
Many mothers and daughters experience tension when conversations feel one-sided:
➡️ School stress – A daughter shares she feels overwhelmed, and instead of listening, mom jumps to “Make a better schedule.”
➡️ Friendship conflicts – A daughter explains she feels left out, and mom responds with “Just ignore them.”
➡️ Life transitions – A daughter expresses anxiety about college or career, and mom reassures with “You’ll be fine.”
While well-intentioned, these responses can leave daughters feeling unseen.
A New Way Forward
The practice of listening without fixing allows mothers to pause, breathe, and respond differently. It can sound like:
🌿 “That sounds really hard. I can see why you’d feel that way.”
🌿 “Tell me more about what that was like for you.”
🌿 “I’m here to listen—would you like advice, or just for me to hear you right now?”
These simple shifts invite deeper connection and show daughters that their voices matter.
NJCCS Is Here for You
At NJCCS, I support mothers and daughters in learning healthier patterns of communication. In therapy, we work on:
🌿 Breaking cycles of misunderstanding and tension
🌿 Practicing skills for listening and emotional validation
🌿 Strengthening family bonds without judgment
🌿 Creating new pathways for connection and trust
Healing and closeness are possible. You don’t have to keep repeating old communication patterns, you can learn a new way to connect.
With warmth,
Nada Johnson, MSW, RSW
Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist / trained Family Mediator / EMDR Trained Therapist / Certified Racial Trauma Clinician / Mental Health & Sexual Violence Consultant / Professional Speaker
🌍 Website: www.nadajohnsonservices.com
📩 Contact: info@nadajohnsonservices.com
Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services – Online phone and video sessions available
Village Healing Centre: 240 Roncesvalles Avenue
Follow our platforms for empowering content, mental health support, and resources on building stronger mother–daughter relationships. Please share this post to support other families learning how to listen without fixing—because every daughter deserves to feel heard, and every mother deserves space to connect with love. 🤝
References
Gordon, T. (2000). Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children. New York: Harmony Books.
Miller, J. G., Kahle, S., & Hastings, P. D. (2018). Roots and benefits of costly giving: Children who are more empathically attuned give more altruistically. Psychological Science, 26(6), 1038–1046. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797615578473
Katz, C., & Hamama, L. (2013). Listen and you will hear: Listening to young children’s voices in child maltreatment assessment. Child Abuse & Neglect, 37(12), 1149–1157. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2013.04.010
Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95–103. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0045357
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