When Family Favors Lighter Skin: The Hidden Wounds of Colourism at Home
- Nada Johnson
- Sep 2
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 7
Growing up, home is supposed to be the place where you feel most loved and safe. But what happens when, as a child or teen, you begin to notice a painful pattern—that your lighter-skinned siblings are praised more, rewarded more, and celebrated more than you?
Even if no one says it outright, the message is clear: lighter skin is valued, and darker skin is less.
This is the reality of colourism, and for many, it creates hidden wounds that don’t fade with time.
How Colourism Shows Up at Home
For children and teens, colourism often looks like:
💔 Family members openly complimenting lighter-skinned siblings while ignoring you
💔 Visitors praising their “beauty” or “good looks” but staying silent about you
💔 Subtle but constant reinforcement that your worth is tied to your complexion
No one may ever call you “less than” directly, but the difference in treatment is deeply felt. Over time, it chips away at your sense of belonging, value, and beauty.
Research shows that darker-skinned children often face harsher treatment in their own families compared to lighter-skinned siblings, which can lead to long-term self-esteem struggles and poorer mental health outcomes (Hannon et al., 2017; Hunter, 2007).
The Lasting Impact into Adulthood
The wounds of colourism don’t disappear when you leave childhood behind. Instead, they often resurface in adulthood as struggles with:
➡️ Self-esteem and beauty – Never feeling “pretty enough” no matter how much you achieve
➡️ Perfectionism – Overachieving in school, work, or career to try to “prove” your worth
➡️ Relationships – Struggling to feel secure in love or friendship because of long-held feelings of inadequacy
➡️ Coping habits – Turning to drinking, overworking, or numbing behaviours to escape the pain of not feeling enough
In fact, studies have linked colourism to body image dissatisfaction, internalized racism, and chronic low self-worth (Keith et al., 2010; Wilder, 2015). You can graduate with honors, excel in your job, or be the most reliable person in your family—and still feel that gnawing sense of unworthiness inside.
Colourism as Racial Trauma
Colourism is not “just family preference.” It is a form of racial trauma that takes root in the most intimate space: your home. When your own family reinforces society’s harmful beauty standards, the trauma can feel even more isolating.
Research highlights that colourism functions as a form of racial discrimination that leads to “chronic stress, depression, and reduced life satisfaction” (Adames et al., 2016). These aren’t just memories—they are traumatic imprints on self-esteem, identity, and mental health.
Healing the Hidden Wounds
The good news is: these wounds can heal. Through racial trauma therapy, you can:
🌿 Identify and name the impact of colourism on your self-worth
🌿 Explore the feelings of inadequacy that started in childhood but still linger today
🌿 Break free from the cycle of overachievement, people-pleasing, or unhealthy coping
🌿 Rebuild your sense of beauty, value, and identity beyond family comparisons
🌿 Learn to stand in your worth and reclaim the joy that colourism tried to take from you.
NJCCS Is Here for You
At NJCCS, I offer Racial Trauma Therapy in Canada (virtual sessions available across Canada). Together, we’ll create space for you to process your lived experiences of colourism and racism without judgment.
You don’t have to carry the burden of invisibility or inadequacy alone. Healing is possible—and you deserve it.
With warmth,
Nada Johnson, MSW, RSW
Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist / trained Family Mediator / EMDR Trained Therapist / Certified Racial Trauma Clinician / Mental Health & Sexual Violence Consultant / Professional Speaker
🌍 Website: www.nadajohnsonservices.com
📩 Contact: info@nadajohnsonservices.com
Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services – Online phone and video sessions available
Village Healing Centre: 240 Roncesvalles Avenue
Follow our platforms for empowering content, mental health support, and resources on healing from racial trauma. Please share this post to support others navigating the hidden wounds of colourism—they deserve care and healing too. 🤝
References
Adames, H. Y., Chavez-Dueñas, N. Y., Sharma, S., & La Roche, M. J. (2016). Colorism and mental health: Psychological, social, and policy implications. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 72(8), 725–735. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.22375
Hannon, L., DeFina, R., & Bruch, S. (2017). The relationship between skin tone and school suspension for African Americans. Race and Social Problems, 9(1), 68–81. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12552-017-9190-6
Hunter, M. (2007). The persistent problem of colorism: Skin tone, status, and inequality. Sociology Compass, 1(1), 237–254. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9020.2007.00006.x
Keith, V. M., Lincoln, K. D., Taylor, R. J., & Jackson, J. S. (2010). Discriminatory experiences and depressive symptoms among African American women: Do skin tone and mastery matter? Sex Roles, 62(1-2), 48–59. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-009-9706-5
Wilder, J. (2015). Revisiting “color names and color notions”: A contemporary examination of the language and attitudes of skin color among young black women. Journal of Black Studies, 46(7), 740–765. https://doi.org/10.1177/0021934715593050
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