"Why Doesn’t She Just Leave?" Hidden Dangers Survivors Face
- Nada Johnson
- Jul 8
- 4 min read
Sometimes, when people on the outside hear about women living in a romantic relationship with abuse, fear, or control, they wonder, "Why doesn’t she just leave?”
If only it were that simple.
The truth is, leaving an unhealthy or abusive relationship is never easy. For many survivors of abuse, it can actually be the most dangerous time in their relationship (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.).
At Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services (NJCCS), I understand that it takes strength to live through abuse, and that it takes even more to leave it all behind. It’s never as simple as just packing up and walking out the door. Many women face hidden challenges that can put their safety, freedom, or children at risk when they try to leave.
So, why does leaving feel so hard — and how can you plan for safety when you’re ready?
Why Walking Away Isn’t Always Safe
Many people don’t realize that leaving can actually make things more dangerous. When a woman decides to walk away, an abusive partner may sense they’re losing control — and that’s when threats, intimidation, or violence can escalate to keep her from leaving (Women Against Abuse, n.d.).
Abusers might promise they’ll change, beg for forgiveness, or blame the survivor for the abuse to make them feel guilty. Some even threaten to harm themselves, their partner, or loved ones if they try to leave. All of this keeps women trapped and shows why leaving isn’t as simple or safe as it might look from the outside.
Beyond the fear of violence, there are many other challenges women face that can make walking away feel impossible.
Losing Children
For many women, children are a big reason they stay. While some want to keep a two-parent household together. Others fear how an abusive partner might react if they leave with the children, or worry that the courts won’t protect them.
Sadly, some abusers use the legal system as a means of control, dragging mothers into custody battles or making threats about taking the kids away (Battered Women’s Support Services, 2020).
Financial Dependence
Many abusers use financial abuse to keep control — taking away credit cards, restricting
access to bank accounts, or forcing their partner to explain every dollar spent (PCADV, n.d.). Some even sabotage jobs or ruin credit, leaving survivors without savings or income, even if they try to leave.
Cultural or Religious Expectations
In many communities, there are deeply rooted beliefs that a woman should keep the family together no matter what, even if she’s being harmed (Perina, 2023). Divorce may be frowned upon, bringing shame to her or her family.
Some women fear losing their community, faith circle, or family support if they speak out or leave — making it even harder to break free from abuse.
Even with all these challenges, many women do leave — but often only when they have the right support, information, and a clear plan for safety.
A good safety plan can help you think through risks, prepare for what could happen, and connect you to people who can help you stay safe before, during, and after leaving.
How NJCCS Can Support Your Safety Plan
I know how overwhelming these barriers can feel. At NJCCS, my goal is never to push you to leave before you’re ready — it’s to help you plan, become clear, and stay as safe as possible if and when you do.
Through trauma-informed, non-judgmental counselling, I can help you:
✨ Understand your options and risks.
✨ Make a realistic, personalized safety plan.
✨ Find trusted legal, shelter, and community resources.
✨ Build your confidence and support system, step by step.
🌷You’re never alone on this journey.🌷
Your Safety Matters
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why can’t I just leave?” — know this: your uncertainty doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re trying to survive the best way you know how.
When you’re ready, NJCCS is here to help you find clarity, plan safely, and move forward at your own pace — without pressure or judgment.
🌿 Whenever you’re ready, you’ll have support every step of the way. 🌿
Warm regards,
Nada Johnson, MSW, RSW
Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist / trained Family Mediator / EMDR Trained Therapist / Certified Racial Trauma Clinician / Mental Health & Sexual Violence Consultant / Professional Speaker
🌍Website: www.nadajohnsonservices.com
📩 Contact: info@nadajohnsonservices.com
Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services - Online phone and video sessions available
Village Healing Centre: 240 Roncesvalles Avenue
C: 437-887-6146
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References
Battered Women’s Support Services. (2020). Eighteen months after leaving: Domestic violence is still the most dangerous time. Retrieved from https://www.bwss.org/eighteen-months-after-leaving-domestic-violence-is-still-the-most-dangerous-time/
National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Why people stay in an abusive relationship. Retrieved from https://www.thehotline.org/support-others/why-people-stay-in-an-abusive-relationship/
PCADV. (n.d.). Financial abuse. Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Retrieved from https://www.pcadv.org/financial-abuse/
Perina, K. (2023, July). How culture impacts the decision to leave abusive marriages. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/non-weird-science/202307/how-culture-impacts-the-decision-to-leave-abusive-marriages
Women Against Abuse. (n.d.). Why it’s so difficult to leave. Retrieved from https://www.womenagainstabuse.org/education-resources/learn-about-abuse/why-its-so-difficult-to-leave
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