Hyper-Independence Isn’t Healing: When Caribbean Women Stop Asking for Help
- Nada Johnson
- Jul 17
- 4 min read
Exploring how emotional self-sufficiency becomes a trauma response and how NJCCS helps soften the armor.
🚷 “I Don’t Need Anyone.”
Many Caribbean women are praised for being independent, self-sufficient, and unshakeable. They manage finances, raise children, care for elders, support partners, and rarely ask for help. But beneath this exterior of competence is often a deep, hidden truth: hyper-independence is a survival response to trauma (Day-Vines et al., 2007).
Rooted in legacies of colonization, abandonment, and gendered expectations, hyper-independence emerges as a strategy to avoid disappointment, betrayal, or shame. Instead of being protected, many Caribbean girls were taught early on to protect themselves emotionally and materially (Evans & Williams, 2022).
🧠 The Psychological Toll of “Doing It Alone”
While independence can be a strength, hyper-independence becomes harmful when it:
Blocks emotional intimacy
Fuels burnout and exhaustion
Masks vulnerability with control
Prevents seeking or receiving care(Banks & Craddock, 2021; Nelson et al., 2020)
Studies have shown that women with high self-reliance due to trauma are at greater risk for depression, emotional detachment, and delayed grief processing (Howard et al., 2019). For Caribbean women, these dynamics are culturally reinforced often mistaken for pride, maturity, or strength (James & Thomas, 2017).
💚 What I Help With:
At NJCCS, I support Caribbean women in reclaiming their right to softness, slowness, and support.
Healing doesn’t mean doing everything alone, it means learning that you no longer have to.
I offer:
Trauma-Informed Self-Reliance Assessment→ Helps clients explore when independence protects and when it isolates.
Attachment Healing for Abandonment Wounds→ Supports those whose hyper-independence is rooted in trust injuries.
Vulnerability Practice in Safe Space→ Provides gentle, guided opportunities to share, ask, and receive.
Boundaries for Overfunctioning→ Teaches clients to distinguish between strength and overextension.
Cultural Strengths Reframed with Flexibility→ Honors resilience while also encouraging rest, softness, and interdependence.
🌿 How This Promotes Whole-Body Healing:
Reduces Chronic Stress and Emotional Exhaustion→ Letting others in decreases emotional overload and increases regulation (Smith et al., 2020).
Builds Secure Relationships and Support Systems→ Vulnerability is the pathway to deeper, safer bonds (Johnson, 2004).
Increases Emotional Literacy and Self-Trust→ Clients learn to ask for what they need without shame (Day-Vines et al., 2007).
Normalizes Receiving Without Guilt→ Healing happens in community, not isolation (Evans & Williams, 2022).
Honors the Survivor While Supporting the Self→ Clients are allowed to be both strong and held without contradiction.
🕊️ You’re Allowed to Rest Now
Being strong was how you survived.
But being supported is how you’ll heal.
At NJCCS, you don’t have to prove your worth by holding it all alone.
You get to be supported, seen, and still whole.
📧 Contact me at info@nadajohnsonservices.com if this blog spoke to you.
Warm Regards,
Nada Johnson, MSW, RSW
Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist / trained Family Mediator / EMDR Trained Therapist / Certified Racial Trauma Clinician / Mental Health & Sexual Violence Consultant / Professional Speaker
🌍Website: www.nadajohnsonservices.com
📩 Contact: info@nadajohnsonservices.com
Nada Johnson Consulting & Counselling Services - Online phone and video sessions available
Village Healing Centre: 240 Roncesvalles Avenue
C: 437-887-6146
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📚 References
Banks, K. H., & Craddock, S. (2021). The double-edged sword of independence: Black women and the myth of strength. Journal of Black Psychology, 47(1), 19–37.
Day-Vines, N. L., Wood, S. M., Grothaus, T., Craigen, L., Holman, A., Dotson-Blake, K., & Douglass, M. (2007). Broaching the subjects of race, ethnicity, and culture during the counseling process. Journal of Counseling & Development, 85(4), 401–409.
Evans, M., & Williams, R. (2022). Emotional independence and cultural resilience in Black Caribbean women: Unpacking the trauma narrative. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology, 28(1), 92–105.
Howard, D. R., O’Neal, C. W., & Worthington, R. L. (2019). The psychological burden of emotional self-reliance: Gender and trauma correlations. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 66(3), 303–315.
James, L., & Thomas, D. A. (2017). Black Caribbean women and the burden of resilience: An intersectional critique. Feminist Review, 115(1), 20–39.
Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connection. Brunner-Routledge.
Nelson, T. M., Russell, C., & Greene, M. A. (2020). When strength isolates: The cost of hyper-independence in trauma survivors. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 44(4), 410–427.
Smith, A., Johnson, H., & Clay, R. (2020). When doing it all hurts: Burnout among high-achieving Black women. Women & Therapy, 43(3-4), 329–344.
Want More Support for Your Professional & Personal Growth?
🔷Try Potential Unlocked™
In addition to counseling, NJCCS offers coaching through our sister brand, Potential Unlocked™, designed specifically for professional women navigating career, leadership, and life transitions.
We support clients with:
Communication and conflict strategy in the workplace
Career development and leadership coaching
Navigating workplace dynamics and burnout recovery
Building confidence in both personal and professional relationships (Online dating empowerment coaching, because personal growth impacts professional life too!)
👉 Visit www.potentialunlocked.ca to learn more or book a free 10-minute consultation call.
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